2nd Chapter of Acts' The Roar of Love (1978)

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You guessed it, this is Christian music inspired by The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe. And before you write this off and don’t read my carefully crafted review, remember that Robert Plant would probably blow a hobbit and that plenty of your favorite records are written by folks looking forward to jammin’ with Jimi in the afterwherever. So sit up and pay attention. 

This is generally unlistenable, but contains no doubt the best song ever written about Turkish delight, which is a gooey trash snack this “band” has misshapen into a harmony-laden aural crime. This is the kind of record you find in a house of five homeschooled kids all wearing color-matched sweatshirts and sweatpants and everything smells like dry skin and marshmallows.

The hipster contrarian in me wants SO MUCH to like this record, to take it to friends’ houses with old acid and a promise of true outsider transcendental life wasting. “We will climb on the lion’s back and fly away/ And fly away/ And fly away/ Lightning into my eyes and I can see him now/ See him now/ See him now.” And one song is called “Witch’s Demise/Get It into Your Head.” Fuck yes!

But no. These white people (wait, you didn’t guess that already?) turn what could have been an ur-Metal masterpiece into a schlocky puppet show for sexually repressed culture shut-ins and their knuckle-dragging brood.

What would Jesus spin? CS Lewis’ rotting corpse, in its grave.

— Ghil Scraw

Phil Shaw